Just Lonely
by Diabolikal Luna
Summary: It's Christmas time at Hogwarts. Told in first person through Luna's perspective. RonXLuna


**Just Lonely**

People say that the world could be a perfect place if everyone understood each other. That there would be no heartbreak, suffering or trauma. The world could be like the garden of Eden if we all just put our hands together and linked the magical race like a colourful daisy chain.

I sit alone, in front of a crackling fire at the far side of the Ravenclaw Common Room, sighing to myself and wishing for some kind of companionship. My eyes are darker than usual; I saw them in the mirror earlier. Their normal vibrant silver, has darkened into grey and my long, dirty-blond hair is unusually matted, as I cannot be bothered to tame it.

I'm not actually homing into anything in general. I'm just sitting here, staring into a deep space of nothingness. The fire just crackled one last coal and the red lumps have begun to smoulder into ash. There's nobody else present in the room except for me, as midnight has long passed and a silvery orb is now hovering in the sky outside.

I'm a sixth year now and if I were to take the effort, I could probably attract the attention of several worthy males. However, I'm nothing like my best friend, Ginny she can simply enchant them with a smile.

I stood up abruptly and wished that I could fetch my cardigan from my dormitory. It would be life threatening for me to do so. The other girls in my dorm never take kindly to my late-night arrivals—usually when I stay with Ginny in the library—and tonight will be of no exception.

I shuddered, as I walked across to the window that looked over to the North of the grounds. I let my eyes dazzle wearily, as I scanned the distant darkness for any sign of change. It's snowing and frost shimmers on both sides of the window, icy in formation.

_I can't take this anymore._ I said, as I pressed my forehead against the frozen glass. _I don't understand_, my words were nearly inaudible but I think my expression says enough.

I am fed up of being the house outcast. The Loony Bin. A looser. Things have vaguely improved since my forth year. I now commentate for all of the Hogwarts Quidditch matches and mostly, students from Gryffindor and Hufflepuff speak to me, as if I have some sanity. This doesn't change my feelings towards myself though, I'm a monster.

I never intended to be this way and it shocks me, how afraid people are of someone who tries to be different. I think I may have taken it a bit too far. Every year I add something new—whether it is visible to the naked eye or not. I started with just a Butterbeer necklace, when I was very young. My mother and I made it. Then it was the earrings, the accessories and the dazed expression. When I look back, I sometimes wonder if I was calling out for attention.

It's getting colder and I'm starting to feel like I'm the only witch in the world. My ears are aching because of the lack of noise and there's a strange tension forming in my throat. I swear I just saw a Heliopath walk past Hagrid's hut.

If people believed in more, then they would have less to worry about. There is no point in denying the existence of something just because it hasn't been seen. All you need is faith, trust and pixie dust.

I'm not sure what time it is exactly. The days are short at this time of year and the nights seem to last for an eternity. I like it better this way. To be able to snugly up to something warm when everything else is so cold. I wish I had cat. A boyfriend may be more appropriate but I seem to scare potentials away.

I'm trying to open the window but it's frozen solid. My wand is a practical tool as well as a defensive weapon and so, I've melted the ice around the edges. I stop for a moment and watch it slide off and fall down, until it disappears into darkness. A pleasant chill sweeps across my face and blows my hair. It warms me.

I can hear some birds in the distance and I figure that it must now be early morning. I don't expect anyone else to be up. It's Christmas day and the other people in my dorm will be sharing their gifts and enjoying the morning. I always loved this holiday but for some reason, it doesn't appeal to me this dying year.

You don't need a gift to be happy, just for someone to say the words to you.

I've got my friends presents—why should I deny all of them the thrill they will get from opening a couple of packages. I sent them via Santa mail. They will like that. Sadly, they are all in Gryffindor, so I will not see them until they go down for their breakfast.

I move away from the window and sweep my hair back into a tight plait, that way the kinks will not be visible. From my trouser pocket, I pull out a pair of flashing snowmen earrings and tuck them through the holes neatly. I pinch a stream of tinsel that is wrapped around the bookcase and wrap it around my waist, under the reindeer t-shirt. I know I look like a prat but it makes other people laugh. I like to see people happy.

A laugh can be worth more than all the galleons in the world 

I'm leaving the Ravenclaw Common Room now and I don't deny the fact that I want to be at home. My father's gone on an expedition to Ireland—he doesn't deal with Christmas, as it was always mothers job.

The corridor is slightly warmer and the knights have just sensed my presence. They're singing but I've blocked out the noise. My ears are already buzzing and the last thing I need is another of my headaches.

There's a lot of spirit on the air and I somehow loose that tickling sensation in my throat. I'm nearly at the Great Hall but I've tuned into something else. The walls are singing and swaying as they do so. I wish I had slept but it is beyond me now.

You can get lost in your own home; just keep your eyes closed.

The clocks chiming seven in the morning—I thought it was earlier. I try to hold my head high as I walk into the hall and as I look over to the Gryffindor table, I am glad that I did so. Sitting there with a huge pile of presents in front of them are my friends.

Ginny sees me and waves, her red hair shaking happily as she bobs it about, a ring of tinsel on her head. "Happy Christmas," she shouts and the others follow her queue.

Ron is stuffing his mouth with as many toffees as he can manage. He's got his hair tied back and I want to call him a pirate but I hold my tongue. Neville and Hermione are pulling one of the morning crackers and Seamus has his hand held out ready to catch the insert. Colin is pouring himself a jug of pumpkin juice and his younger brother is laughing heartily. Harry's sulking into his cornflakes.

For a moment, I smile and sit in-between Ron and Ginny and opposite Harry. I appreciate it and take drastic action in hugging them all. They seem surprised. I wonder why. Seamus has just been successful in capturing the item from the cracker. It's a bewitched figure of a Crumple-Horned Snorcak. I don't tell him.

People say that you only need one friend. The more the merrier.

We open our presents and for a few happy minutes, I forget who I am. I'm grateful and I thank them all. They didn't need to get me anything and they certainly didn't have to cart everything into this hall just for me.

Ron's just asked me to pull a cracker with him. "Come on, Luna," he says, throwing me an apple that I quickly catch, "it's not going to blow in your face!"

I give him a curious look, perfectly aware of whom his brothers are and what they are famous for. I reach out and pull the other end with him. It exploded with an avalanche of red, blue and gold glitter. He had the biggest end. I watched as Ron pulled out the insert of the cracker. He took a green hat out and put it on my head. I looked up nervously.

"Hey—there's nothing in it," he moans and I laugh slightly. He pulls out a piece of paper, "what's red and green and hovers like cupids arrow?" he read from a small piece of paper.

"That's not a very good joke," I tell him and he nods back at me in response.

Then I notice something tickling the top of my head. I look up, thinking that the hat has just fallen above my eyes but there is nothing there. I look back across at Ron, who's got his eyes slit slightly. Hovering above our heads is a patch of mistletoe

I hear Ginny laugh at us and turn around. "There's your insert, Ron," she calls to her brother and I look at him nervously.

I go to reach or my wand to blow the plant from here to kingdom come. I'll make some kind of statement that it could be infested with kneasles. I don't get a chance though, because Ron's just pulled in closer to me. I get nervous and hope that he just has another hat for me.

People say that time stops at some point in your life. For wizards and witches, it does.

Suddenly, I felt a tingle in my chest and Ron's nose hit me cheek. _Gosh he's clumsy_. I thought to myself, as his lips met mine. I thought he was going to pull away instantly, I thought he was going to laugh right in my face but I didn't want him to. I could stay this way until by dying day, in fact I'm not sure that I haven't. I'm becoming short of breath.

I could hear Colin and Harry wolf whistling us and I wanted to curse his hair off. I've just had my first kiss and it wasn't at all what I thought it would be like. I ignored them and looked across at Ron, peering into his eyes. I wasn't lonely anymore and I knew I never would be.

People say that if you want to find pure happiness, you have to look for it. Mine came through a cracker …


End file.
